


The Missing Peice of Me (Slow/Medium Build College DnP AU)

by sunflowersinners



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Dan - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phil - Fandom, danandphil - Fandom, danielhowell - Fandom, dnpgames
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amazingphil - Freeform, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, college au phanfic, danandphil - Freeform, dnp, medium build, phanfic, slow build phanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:04:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowersinners/pseuds/sunflowersinners
Summary: Dan Howell and Phil Lester are an odd match for college roommates.  Phil seems to have it all figured out. Dan, however, can't even seem to figure out how he feels about the last person he sees before closing his eyes most nights... Along with the added stress of school, friends, and everything in between, Phil hardly notices. Slowly, however, the two of them realize that maybe they work perfectly not just as best friends, but as even more too.This piece of work has been put through spelling and grammar edits, both by humans and robots, so no need to worry about stumbling through missteps! Ch. 1 out now! Ch. 2 est. around 06/25/2019.





	1. When The Day Met The Night

“Finally!” Phil said happily as he placed the final cactus along his half of the windowsill. He had intentionally gotten to the dorm three hours early. You see, Philip Lester was not one to let an interior design opportunity go to waste. He split the dorm perfectly down the middle and made his half representative of who he was almost exactly. Neat, nerdy, covered in pastels and bright colors, and all around just… lovely. That was the perfect word for it. Phil and his dorm were both lovely.  
It seemed to be almost at that very second that that last cactus was placed that the dorm door flew open, and Phil caught his first glimpse of his new roommate.  
And what did he see, you may ask?   
Black. Black shirt, black jeans. Black bedspread on top of black decorations being stored in black boxes. Black earbuds blasting the black parade. And yet, despite it all, the fringey haired boy was frozen. Frozen? Oddly soft looking in the moment. His mouth was slightly agape as if he was caught off guard at the very sight of the Lester boy, and his soft brown eyes were fixed on his person, traveling along his face.   
“Hello! I’m Phil! Looks like we’ll be roommates, yeah?”  
The boy’s once pale skin grew redder by the millisecond, but he still stood frozen. His arms were shaking at the weight of the boxes he still held but didn’t acknowledge, and he looked scared to absolute death.  
Phil, of course, took this to be first day nerves and thought nothing of it. He let himself grow a large smile and walked over, taking some of the heavy boxes out of his hands without prompting or struggle. He set them on the bed and turned back to the mysterious new roommate, who still hadn’t uttered a word at this point. Maybe he was deaf! He had learned some sign language in secondary, should he try that? As Phil raised his hands to wave a second hello, he finally spoke.  
“Hi. My name is… Dan.”  
Dan! Well, that had a nice ring to it. They could be a dynamic duo. Phil and Dan… Phil and… something sounded slightly off about that. Nevertheless, he grinned.   
“Dan! It’s nice to meet you!”   
Every time Phil spoke, it was filled with joy. He opened his arms and gave Dan a tight welcoming hug, one not so exactly reciprocated, but still appreciated nonetheless. He pulled back with a worried look.  
“Are you alright mate? You look quite red now!”  
“I-I think it might just be from too much sun…”  
Phil looked outside. It was raining.  
“You might have a fever! Let me check-”  
Without another word, Phil pushed his sleeves up so that his forearms were exposed, and lay a palm gently onto Dan’s forehead. He then checked his cheeks with both hands, leaning in closely to check his eyes and chuckling a bit.  
“Nope...no fever, mate. But you do seem to be a bit dilated in your pupils. Are you sure you’re okay?”   
Dan let out a small noise and nodded, coughing and pulling back.   
“I think I’m just hungry, yep, hungry. And I need to, um, set up my side of the dorm and all, y’kno?”  
Phil nodded, listening well.   
“I’ll go to the cafe a few minutes from here and get you something to eat, yeah? Grab myself one too. Here’s my cell- so you can text me what you’d like.”  
Phil scribbled a number on a slip of paper and handed it to him, smiling reassuringly.  
“While I’m out, you can set up your side of the room and have some time to yourself. Double solution! Pew pew!”  
He made small laser guns with his fingers and pretended to shoot down all the problems, before throwing on a denim jacket and heading out into the rain without an umbrella. He’d be fine. Rain was fun! He closed the door gently and hopped down the stairs, strolling across the university. His fringe! He hadn’t even been thinking of that. He’d surely have to shower after all this rain, and then his hair would simply be a mess. Oh well, at least he could get drinks and snacks.  
He was verifiably soaked by the time he got to the coffee shop, but he didn’t really care all too much. He shook his hair off like a dog and laughed before going inside the shop, where he was greeted by friendly faces and the strong smell of coffee beans. He glanced at his phone quickly. It looked like Dan hadn’t messaged him. How odd.   
“Oh well…” he mumbled to nobody in particular  
“That just means I get to surprise him!”  
He adjusted the collar on his soaking wet jacket and got into the line. He still didn’t know his roommate well enough to know what kind of coffee he liked but if he had to guess; black. So he ordered one black coffee and one hot chocolate for himself. He also got two pistachio muffins for them to share. After stashing away the snacks in a small safe box, Phil headed back into the storm. He didn’t mind it, still, personally, he was enjoying the rain. He was almost back to their dorm anyways. When he got there, He took off his jacket and put it on the hook. His now wet shirt clung to him. He chuckled, not noticing Dan’s gaze, and set everything on their desk. He faced him.   
“I got you a coffee.” He offered, smiling and holding the warm cup out for the quiet boy. Dan took it, mumbling a quick “Thank you” and blushing. Phil figures he was just anxious about college. He sat down on Dan’s bed next to him. His jeans were still damp, but not enough to make a difference on the comforter.   
“It’ll be alright, mate.” He consoled, putting a hand on the quiet boy’s shoulder. “University is gonna be tough, but We’ll have each other. I can tell we’re gonna be best mates!”  
Dan smiled at this, taking a sip of his coffee.  
“Yeah?” He asked, the hint of a smirk in his voice. “All right then.”  
Phil grinned at this. He was starting to get through to his new roommate - his future friend! - after all. Or at least, he thought he was. That was what mattered to him.   
Dan piped up again.  
“Do you like Panic?”  
“Yeah!”  
“New or old?”  
“Both”  
Dan smiled. It was just as he offered Phil an earbud that Phil even noticed Dan had been wearing one the whole time. Phil put the earbud in and leaned in closer, so Dan’s wouldn’t come out. Dan hit shuffle on a playlist, and Brendon’s voice on an old Pretty Odd track flowed out soon after  
“When the moon   
Fell in love  
With the sun  
All was golden in the sky  
All was golden when the day met the night”  
Dan took a relaxed sigh and leaned slightly on Phil without noticing.  
“Tired?” Phil asked with a chuckle. Dan blushed, sitting up and nodding. “Me too.” He said with a smile.   
“Sorry,” Dan muttered.  
“Why? We’re both tired. Let’s go to bed, yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
Phil threw off the wet shirt and changed quickly into some sweats and a graphic tee, not seeing Dan’s red face. He’d turned around to change into his pajamas too by now, somewhat hiding.   
Phil jumped into his own bed now, quite literally, on the colorful side of the room. Dan crawled under the covers on his side. Neither particularly as tired as they had claimed to be, they both stared at opposite sides of the same ceiling for quite a while in silence. Finally, Phil spoke up.  
“Dan? Are you awake?”  
“Yeah.” He chuckled bitterly “not even tired”  
“Do you wanna…”  
Dan held his breath.  
“...Watch some TV?”  
He breathed out.  
“Uhm- sure...mate. The common area is probably abandoned at this hour.”  
“Let’s just use my laptop! I’ve got Netflix. Here, come over to my bed. It’s bloody freezing”  
“Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding” Dan muttered  
“Hm?”  
“Nothing. Let me get my slippers.”  
Phil put the laptop on his pillow and pushed up his covers so they could both have them around their shoulders. It truly was really fucking cold in the dorms at night. Dan came and sat next to him. In the small bed, it was hard to keep any space between them. Dan was shivering, and while wrapped the covers around both of them without him having to awkwardly ask.   
This was what friends did, right? If only he’d had more, he’d know. But for now, he didn’t focus on that. Phil put on A Series of Unfortunate Events and focused contently on the show. Dan focused on Phil. His hair, his eyes, what little he could see in the dim light of the computer screen. He felt compelled to memorize it. It was like studying for a test he would take every time he closed his eyes. What did he look like? This boy, this roommate! This...this friend. Another test he had failed in the past.   
“Dan.” He pleaded with himself silently, “Not this time. Not again.”  
He turned his attention grimly towards the show  
After an episode, or two, or five, Phil finally began to grow tired. Rather than bother Dan with this information, he simply let himself lay back on the bed and fall quietly asleep. Dan smiled gently down at him, closing Phil’s laptop and sneaking back into his own bed. It didn’t feel as cold now.   
He put his earbuds in and hit play, resuming the same song as he drifted off to sleep finally. Maybe it could be different this time. Maybe.  
“All was golden in the sky.  
All was golden when the day  
Met the night.”


	2. Sunflowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple sunflower in a simple farmers market in a simple campus in London can mean a complex web of feelings for Dan Howell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! thank you so much for everyone's patience in the release of this chapter as I get a few more works off the ground. Here it is! Im writing much more lately, but hate to make a promise as to a release date again. Sorry for that wait! I hope it's worth it!
> 
> Nov 1 2019: hey guys! I have a Ko.fi page now! If you want to support me with a coffee ill mention your @ for any social media page in the A/N of your favorite story! remember to leave it in the messages section of the tip feature on the website! Here's my link: 
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/sunflowersinners

A few weeks had gone by. Though, at this point, it could have been days or months and none of it would have really mattered to the two of them. Dan warmed up to Phil, and the two got along incredibly. Of course, like a flower or weed without proper watering, Dan’s feelings for phil had only grown stronger roots in their hiding spots under the dirt or inside of the…

Well, he wasn’t exactly sure where he was. But he liked Phil. He knew he did. 

He thought he did…

He just, shit, he didn’t wanna fuck this up. If that meant shutting his feelings for Phil out - that he didn't even know if he had or not! - then that was what was gonna happen. At least, until he could figure out how Phil felt. He knew Phil wasn’t exactly “straight”, that much didn’t take a detective to figure out. But he never wanted to assume, so he waited for Phil to say something. It was a few days ago, actually. Dan was surprisingly relieved. He had only mentioned it in passing. 

Now, Dan stood at a flower stand at a Sunday farmer’s market. He held a short, cut sunflower in his hands and thought carefully of Phil. By the time the florist manning the stand had moved to attend to him, Dan had put the sunflower back.

“Nothing for me. Sorry. Thank you.” he mumbled, glancing at the flower he had quietly set back with the bunch. He walked away from the booth saying nothing more. The boy tried to shove the lump in his throat back into his chest. 

He went to another booth at the market and got them some avocados, and another for some fresh ground coffee beans. Those seemed like better things to bring back to the dorm. He spent some more time walking, browsing, and enjoying the relatively nice weather.

At the dorm, Phil was hanging out online and letting his mind wander. Every time he let it do this unsupervised, it seemed to land on Dan. Nothing in particular, just… him. How they talked and laughed together. How sometimes, if Phil couldn't sleep, Dan would stay up with him. And how Dan knew all of his favorite songs. Dan just… understood him. In a way that nobody else really did. Phil got anxious, more often than he'd like to admit, about school and social lives and most of the things in between. But Dan helped. how many people could do that when he felt anxious. Dan made him feel happy and energized. It was like being at home when he was with him, could he… 

The thoughts racing through his head were interrupted by the turn of the doorknob, and then getting back with some things from the Farmer’s Market.  The weather had held up for it. Despite London's typical rainy disposition. It was only somewhat cloudy outside. Dan smiled, looking socially exhausted and relieved to be home, And started to put various things away and their mini fridge as well got back to work on an assignment.

“How was the Farmers Market?”  Phil asked, breaking a peaceful silence. 

“Good. Not many sweets, sadly.”

“ We could use the fresh food.”  Phil responded with a smile. He preferred to see the bright side of every situation. “ Was there anything other than produce this week?”

“ Not really, no.”  Dan quickly responded. He decided to lie about the flowers booth to avoid any uncomfortable situations. “ Not that I saw, anyways.”

“Hmm.  well, maybe next week, we can go together.”

“Yeah…”  together... together... what does that mean? Obviously it could just be the two of them could carry more groceries. But, what if it was more than that? It wasn't something Dan wanted to risk.

“ That sounds fun.” He replied casually. He figured playing it cool until he knew more was the best way to go.

“It will be fun!” Phil countered with a smile. Together? What have you been thinking! Did that sound like a date? He didn't mean for it to! He didn't even want to ask Dan on a date!

Well... did he?

So would have to think this over. He had all week to figure it, and his feelings for Dan, out.

But for now, he had work to do. These classes were damn near close to overwhelming him. Why did he have to take so many? Surely there could have been an easier way to make it through the term. But Phil had wanted to be ambitious, and he had wanted to try new things.  So he decided to take a multitude of interesting, challenging classes. Now, as he started down this mountain of school work due tomorrow, he's somewhat regretted it. But he wouldn't give up, no matter how stressed out it made him. She'll set up a bit at the desk, cracking his back. The time ticking felt like sand passing through each of the cracks in his vertebrae, an hourglass he could never flipped back once the minutes were dead and gone.

He was so incredibly, inexplicably bored! He turned to look at Dan, who had his earbuds in and was on his laptop at the other end of the dorm. He was cute, in a depressed sort of way, his straight brown hair matching his eyes of the same hue. pale, moony skin that you could easily see him blush against when he got flustered. Phil  loved his blush. And his dimples. And - 

 but really! He only saw the two of them as friends. Nothing more.

Maybe he just needed a glass of water. He felt fairly thirsty at the moment.

While Phil was in the bathroom getting water, Dan got up and paced around the dorms a bit to stretch his long legs. He glanced at Phil’s homework pile. Yikes. he was glad he didn't have that much to do. Dan had to be honest, he had not challenged himself as Phil had class wise. Homework took him far less time than it took his friend and muse.  He sat back down on his bed, earbuds back in and starting back up on what he had been working on: a pro-and-cons list of telling Phil his true feelings for him. Pro: he's amazing. Con: It could ruin our friendship. Pro: I could hold him and hug him and such. Con: I'd be crazy to think he’d like me like that.

The list went on and on as such, split down the middle. It made Phil sounds Divine, as he was too damn, giving him a Halo crafted by clumsy hands. On the other hand, a painted and gruesome, witchy, a sad gay disordered boy. Maybe it was the grief speaking, from past absent lovers breaking hearts. He didn't want that to ruin this!

Phil was... he was beautiful. In spirit and temper. He couldn't buy them anybody more wonderful and pure. He could just wait it out, just hope that if he stays loyal to his heart it would repay him for Once. In Truth, he was scared. He was scared to ruin this. Now, he left it be on his laptop and opened a new tab, watching videos to chase his mind away.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Phill stared at endless reflections of himself. He stared in the mirrors for a long time contemplating his own appearance sheepish Willie, before remembering water. There were always some small paper cups by the sinks. They weren't massive, but they would do. He filled one with water and started heading back down the hallway. He got back to their dorm soon after, unlocking and entering as he always did. Dan seemed relieved Phil couldn't see his computer screen, but not for the reasons Phil might have thought. Oh, well. That was almost better in Dan's mind. Phil actually didn't notice. He was back to his work. In the evening, the two of them decided to go have dinner out at a pizza place on campus. One of those good ones that still made pizza in a brick oven. Phil was excited to be out of the house. Dan was excited for pizza. When they got there, Dan quickly got them a booth by a  window, hidden away from most social interactions. The sun had set and the sky was clear, showing twinkling stars in the Fall night sky. Dan watched them against the window, leaning his head on the glass. Phil ordered, the two coexisted.

It was the most peace in any given moment that either of them had probably felt since arriving. When the waitress left, damn used about the stars.

“It's just…”  he started dreamily, “They’re millions of miles away. And we can  still see them shining. they're wonderful. Isn't it the most wonderful thing you've ever seen?”

“It is.”  Phil said,  gazing at Dan as he did.

“Sorry, I'm rambling.”  Dan murdered. What was he doing? Stars. He probably looked like a babbling fool. Of course Phil didn't like him. He was a mess. 

“No, no not at all.”  They'll try to say. Okay, you could finally admit that maybe he saw Dan has more than just a friend. But what could he do about it? He didn't even think Dan was gay. Or anything other than straight. He was really just Dan. And that was perfectly okay before. But now? He had no clue. It felt like Phil didn’t know much of anything anymore. But now, as he sat with Dan in the moderately full restaurant, he knew one thing. He liked him. Phil liked Dan. 

Dan was gazing out the window, and hardly noticed Phil’s eyes on him. He still felt like a mess. He always did. God, he was mad for Phil. Dan liked Phil. 

I’ll save the reader some of the more boring details of the evening, what kind of pizza they got and how long they ate for. What they talked about or how they laughed.  The only truly important thing was that they were there together, on that evening. And together they went home. 


	3. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Phil goes looking in places he shouldn't have, he finds things around that he can't un-see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the delay! school got crazy! a friendly reminder that I do have a Kofi now if anyone wants to donate, and ill put your username for any social media (dm me on tumblr which and where) in the A/N of this or any other story!  
>  https://ko-fi.com/sunflowersinners  
> I do also take fanfic and oneshot (and poetry if you're into that) commissions for any fandom or genre through tumblr! It's the exact same username, @sunflowersinners . Thank you guys! Enjoy!

Phil couldn’t believe his eyes.   
He. just. Couldn’t.  
He had only borrowed Dan’s computer because he was alone in the dorm and his was dead; and using Dan’s computer to look this up for his class would have been so much faster and easier than charging his. And Phil was sometimes rather lazy.  
In his defense, he was charging his now!  
He didn’t think Dan would have any documents open still on his laptop. He didn’t think Dan WROTE documents. That was the initial surprise. So, he was curious! It wasn’t his fault! It still isn’t his fault! It’s not his fault that he accidentally read the list. He certainly wasn’t supposed to see the list. He just needed to look something up. He was just, just needed to, just wanted to, didn’t mean to, only meant to -   
He couldn’t just make excuses to himself until he sputtered out. He needed to do something. Move something. 

The doorknob rattled.  
Phil THREW the laptop as fast as he could onto Dan’s bed, opening his own and trying his best to look nonchalant. He was out of breath. He needed to catch his breath. He needed to catch… up.  
“Philly?” He heard Dan call into the room.  
“I forgot my keys, I think… Are you in there?”  
Phil let out a laugh. He was exasperated. They both were. He gently closed dan’s computer and went to open the door.   
“I keep telling you, you need to KWAP before you leave!”  
“ I need to what.”  
“KWAP! Keys, wallet, and phone! KWAP!”

Despite Phil’s confusion state, he tried to stay as calm and energetic as he possibly could.   
“Of course. Good to see you too darling.” Dan sputtered sarcastically, though he glanced up quickly to check Phil’s reaction to the nickname. Phil looked away, a small heat rising to his cheeks. Dan smiled to himself, opening his laptop.  
“Erm, Phil, you weren’t on my computer, yeah?” Oh god, oh no. He had left the list open! All the pros and cons to telling Phil that he had a massive crush on him! No, no, noooo.   
“N-no! Of course not! I was on mine, see?”  
He gestured his laptop towards Dan.  
“Okay - good. Because it’s mine. Yeah?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Yeah…”  
The room got quiet.   
Dan looked at his computer. The computer looked at Dan. Phil also looked at Dan. Phil’s computer was dead. It was lucky that Dan didn’t know. 

What did Phil even say to knowing that his roommate had a crush on him? That he had made a list of pro’s and con’s to telling him such a thing?  
“So…” Phil started off awkwardly “I have something to tell you. It’s kind of big, and I hope it doesn’t ruin us being mates at all.”  
Dan looked up, trying to hide the hope on his face. “Yeah?”  
“I, erm - Well… how do I put this?”  
“I’m sure you can just say whatever you need to say, mate” Dan said, trying to rush him, trying to push him towards what he wanted to hear.  
“Well, it’s just that. I - uhm… I’m gay.”  
Dan’s face fell. “Oh.”   
Phil blushed and looked away. Didn’t he bloody like him? Why was he upset? “Is that a bad thing?”  
“No! Not at all Philly, It’s just that - well that’s pretty obvious, I feel like I kinda knew. I mean, you’re fairly… effervescent.”  
Phil quirked an eyebrow at him “Did you assume my sexuality?” 

Dan gasped and grinned playfully “I did NOT! Why does it matter either way if I already knew you were gay or not?”  
Phil teased back “Well maybe you had a crush on me or something!”

Dan blushed, but tried to hide it “nuh - uh! I am a straight man. I like girls. I enjoy… Women. Ladies. I am a Ladies man. I have incredible successes with girls and girls only.”  
“Sure.”  
“It’s true!”  
“When’s the last time you had one of these lady friends to the flat? When’s the last time you opened one of these… lady - doors?”  
“Gross. Philly, that’s disgusting. Never ask me of such matters again.”  
“You’re distracting because it’s never happened because you’re GAY!”  
“I am NOT!”  
“Gaaaaaay. You are gay. Gay man dan. Gan Howell.”   
“I am straight and that is the end of the discussion!”   
Dan’s face was red, too red for him to be telling the truth at all, but Phil let it go while they were both still having fun. There would be time later for him to see how straight that boy really was. 

Phil checked his computer to see if it had finally powered up yet, and it had. He had a few messages from an old friend who had been wanting to catch up next week over coffee. In all honesty, it sounded nice to talk out all his feelings with the person he wasn’t feeling about. He agreed to meet him a few weeks from then at the coffee shop on campus. He closed his laptop lid after that and forgot about it for the rest of the night. 

It was dark out already, but it was a relatively warm night. At this point winter had nearly passed and spring had almost come to take its place. At this point, Dan had written that list before the holidays. Christmas and the new year had blown by unmemorable for them, they celebrated for a small portion of each day alloted for both. Just the two of them. Just that time. 

But now it was spring, and Dan kept coming back to that list. Adding things to the pros, taking things off the cons, still being scared to do anything nonetheless. He had just worked on it earlier that day. There was only one con now on the list, that he could recall, and it was losing him.   
If Phil were ever to find that list, he was probably dead. Or worse, just dead to Phil. 

He couldn’t believe Phil had actually come out to him. Sure, he had already known somewhat that he was gay. But, was it supposed to mean something. Was he coming on to him? No, no that was ridiculous. He was just trusting him. As a friend. But why then? Why now? Why ever? 

Why does it matter anybody's sexual orientation if you don’t plan to sexually orient with them?  
Dan was… confused. On the matter and on himself. Did he like girls? Sure. Girls were nice and they smelled better than boys did. But they never made him have butterflies in his stomach. Girls never made him feel like he could fly. 

Maybe he just needed a boy who smelled nice and knew how to decorate like a girl did. Like Phil.   
“Phil…” He whispered to himself, not realizing.   
“Yea Dan?” he responded, startling Dan.  
“Oh! Well, I was just going to ask if you wanted to go on a walk. With. With me.”  
“Dan, that seems pretty gay.”  
“Well, I’m straight, so it wouldn’t be. There’s a really cool bridge that I found the last time I was outside that I cou-”  
“You go outside?”  
“Yes! I go outside! Do you want to go see the bridge or not?”   
Phil laughed and grabbed his denim jacket. “Alright mate. Let’s go see your bridge.”

The night was nice, and the wind made for a lovely walk. There wasn’t much talking at first, mainly because Dan was horrible at social interaction and Phil stopped to look at and thoroughly appreciate every bird he saw on the way to the surprise bridge. But it wasn’t weird. It was nice. There was a sense of camaraderie about it. Phil showed Dan birds. Dan showed Phil the directions to the bridge. It was a mutually beneficial situation. And a really nice night. There were stars everywhere. But both boys thought no star shined brighter than their night time companion.   
“Well, here it is! Isn’t it so cool?” Dan said, gesturing to the marble carved bridge medium in stature that laid before him. Phil chuckled.  
“I think I’ve seen it before”  
Dan frowned. “No! You certainly have not. This. This is my bridge. I just put it there.”  
“Did you?”  
“Yes!”  
Phil laughed and stepped onto it. “Well then it is a marvel of fast paced bridge construction” 

Dan walked onto it to, slowly trailing behind phil “Come on, sit. If you take your shoes off your feet touch the water from here.”  
“I am NOT taking my shoes off! Feet are horrifying!” Phil gasped, instead sitting cross legged while dan stuck his toes in the river below.   
“Your loss, mate.” Dan laughed.   
They looked at the stars and talked for a while. About life, about politics, about everything. It was nice, for a bridge. Suddenly, 

Dan stopped and looked up at Phil. Into him. His eyes.   
“Phil? Is it Okay if I tell you something?”  
Phil caught his breath. Was he…?  
“Of course.”

Dan leaned in closer, brushing his own lips with his thumb. “I… I um. Since you came out to me today I just thought it would be right to tell you that...”

Phil smiled, leaning in and looking down into his eyes. “Yeah?”

Dan pulled away. “That I just thought it was really very brave of you to do that… mate. I’m proud of you.”   
Phil could feel the heat rise in his cheeks, and turned away to blink back any water that might have come to his eyes from the shock. “Of course. Thank you. It - it means a lot.”   
Dan sighed, internally kicking himself. “Why don’t we head back now? I think after all that walking we did today we both should get some rest.”  
Phil let out a fake laugh “You’re right, yeah. Let’s go.”

And so they walked back, just as silent as before. But now it was a different quiet. A worse one. A quiet shared between two absent minded lovers who didn’t know yet that they loved. But Dan had missed his chance. He didn’t know if he would get one again. But it was a risk he decided not to take, because a loved one lost inside, to him, was better than a loved one lost forever. Forever was an awfully long time, Dan decided. Where did it ever end?

**Author's Note:**

> June 16: hello! first A/N. i hope anybody who reads this enjoys the story so far! bfeel free to comment and all that. I'd love to see it! Please don't use these ideas or my work or anything, it would mean a lot to me to keep my work my own? thank you so much. Next chapter out soon! let me know what you wanna see in the comments!


End file.
